It might have been that night in Waterloo, but definitely on that trip to Spain, that I discovered sex as a narcotic, quick, furtive, anonymous sex as a balm for deep anxiety.
I love reading about your life. We were in Spain at the same time, albeit in very different worlds. I was a 1st time mother and spouse of a diplomat with the US Embassy. I couldn't have been less suited for the latter role, although the marriage itself has survived all that. I was depressed all 4 years, even if Spain itself was never the problem.
I am stunned, Peter, at how, by the time we met, you had seemingly compartmentalized your life. Of course I knew you are gay; you told me. But the anxiety and self doubt and worry you lived with… somehow you seemed to have buried that by the time we met in Paris. I so value our friendship. And having been able to know Barbara. I have a feeling we’re in for some tougher material. Thank goodness you made it through.
I think this substack is a brilliant tool for sharing your work, which, as you know, I’ve always admired. Anastasia, Dorothy…Maybe there will still be another. You never know!
Am I eavesdropping on important segment of your life? Somewhat funny yet sad , hopeful, resilient - a kind soul. A different life than mine, but a good read, revealing clouds that linger around us and in us.
Carol -- thank you so much for this. I did indeed compartmentalize until I couldn't in the mid-90s and everything just crashed. I regard that now as the greatest gift I could have had. This writing is only possible because I had to start everything over. xxoo
I love reading about your life. We were in Spain at the same time, albeit in very different worlds. I was a 1st time mother and spouse of a diplomat with the US Embassy. I couldn't have been less suited for the latter role, although the marriage itself has survived all that. I was depressed all 4 years, even if Spain itself was never the problem.
I am stunned, Peter, at how, by the time we met, you had seemingly compartmentalized your life. Of course I knew you are gay; you told me. But the anxiety and self doubt and worry you lived with… somehow you seemed to have buried that by the time we met in Paris. I so value our friendship. And having been able to know Barbara. I have a feeling we’re in for some tougher material. Thank goodness you made it through.
I think this substack is a brilliant tool for sharing your work, which, as you know, I’ve always admired. Anastasia, Dorothy…Maybe there will still be another. You never know!
Am I eavesdropping on important segment of your life? Somewhat funny yet sad , hopeful, resilient - a kind soul. A different life than mine, but a good read, revealing clouds that linger around us and in us.
Fascinating stuff, sir. Much more interesting, methinks, than bloodthirsty castigations by La Pasionaria.
Carol -- thank you so much for this. I did indeed compartmentalize until I couldn't in the mid-90s and everything just crashed. I regard that now as the greatest gift I could have had. This writing is only possible because I had to start everything over. xxoo
I love your sharing these things with me Mary.
Amen to that.